Day Out En Famille

Arriving at the coast yesterday and surveying the sight before me my conclusion is we Brits are just a little bit barking. Hubby had decided to take the girls to the seaside and as my cousin is having a week away in Bridlington with her family we arranged to meet up. Hubby had also decided to bring the dog with us as we haven't taken her to the beach before.

Trying to find somewhere to park was proving difficult, the girls and dog impatient to get of the car so we were dropped off whilst he found a space. I called my cousin and we met on the beach. It had rained all the way there, thankfully a break in the clouds we set our stalls out. It does make me laugh how people sit on the beach in all weathers, windbreakers, kids in cossies, then out come the umbrellas and kagools. Personally I like to go to the beach either in the winter dressed accordingly or somewhere in a hot climate, this carting clothing for every kind of weather in the space of an hour is not for me it has to be one or the other.

On this particular beach there are designated areas for dogs to go which I totally agree with however T being T went on to the wrong part with the dog who promptly did a dump, I was mortified plus the prospect of a thousand pound fine didn't appeal. We meandered to the dog area passing these gorgeous little beach huts which housed lots of smug families, I did wonder who you would have to give a BJ to secure one. It seemed hubby had parked in the next seaside resort as he arrived over an hour later with the bag. On checking the bag T's cossie was missing, he had left in the car so decided to go back to get it taking T and the dog which was just as well, the excitement of being at the beach for the first time meant she had dragged me across the sand yanked away from me and was running amok in the sea, a lady commenting "She's a bit excitable isn't she".

Two hours later hubby showed up and I asked if he had eaten or had a cup of tea, no not at all was his reply.  T happened to mention the fish Grandad had wasn't very good and she had given half of her hotdog to the dog. A domestic ensued right there on the beach. By this time it was about time to wrap up to go home, we trudged god knows how far back to the car, stopping for a cup of tea and an ice cream en route. Then a seagull shit on T.

And that was our family day out.


Sha X

The Not So Sleeping Lions

A cursory glance at next months calendar causes me to groan, other than Christmas I don't think there is another part of the year that is as expensive. The thing is I have way too many Leo's in my life.

The main birthday is T's who will be eleven in early August, no party this year, I do parties from aged five until aged ten, it will be her choice what she would like to do to celebrate. Most of the August birthdays are not just a card but a present too, not the birthdays that you can just do a faceache greeting as it's popped up on there to remind you.

On the same day as T's in the evening we are invited to a friends 40th, she has asked for donations to a local lads charity which is lovely. It is my nephews 18th not sure what is being planned for that yet and we have three other kids parties to go to. In total there are 15 birthdays this month, see as I said way too many Leo's, that's not counting my sister who is also a Leo, her birthday is in a couple of days. I like October only three in October.

Some of the characteristics of a Leo

Confident/Pretentious, Ambitious/Domineering, Generous/Melodramatic, Loyal/Stubborn, Encouraging/Vain.


Yes they can be all the above, the main ones that stand out for the Leo's in my life are loyal, generous and stubborn. Some of them are on my calendar by the mere fact that they were born in to our family, most because I chose them to be.


Sha X

2012

The tone for me was set on New Years Eve if you saw the firework display in London to mark the start of 2012. I thought it was an amazing display, the accompanying music fantastic. As a youngster I would watch the displays from around the world, Australia obviously would be the first we would see over here in the UK and always thought they were much more impressive than the ones we did here, not this year, we definitely sparkled.

A few months on we had Euro 2012, not a huge football fanatic I have a total volte face when it comes the World Cup or the Euro. Everything revolves around watching England play, alas they always put us through the wringer, the giddy excitement at the start of a match turns to anguish and despair. Hubby hates watching football with me, the girls think I have gone a little mad with all the shouting and screaming that explodes from  within me. We did do better than most years and my hope for something special will continue.

Next up was the Queen's Diamond Jubilee and I sat transfixed to the television, the pomp and pageantry our country does so very well, there really is nothing like it any where else in the world. When the Royals are centre stage they always come up trumps in spite of our unpredictable British weather.

Early on a June morning the girls and I joined the rest of the school outside church securing our place to watch the Olympic Torch pass through our town. The turn out was brilliant the whole route lined with so many people waving flags and cheering on the torch bearers. The torch has zig zagged across the UK and each route has had masses of people supporting the spectacle. The last leg in London was even more special when one of the bearers is someone you know. There has been many touching moments and stories behind the people chosen to do what to me, seems such an honour and a sense of great pride.

Last night was the culmination of that journey, the opening of the Olympics 2012, and what a show it was! Observing my twitter feed whilst watching the whole thing from start to finish I have never seen such National pride. The odd negative comment here and there, some hilarious ones, a lot of WOWs at some points, by far  it was like watching the country come together to celebrate a momentous historical occasion., and I loved every minute of it, well actually I lie. The bit where the sports legends passed the torches on to the future young up and coming sporting stars was lovely to see, this should have followed through with who was chosen to sing the closing song. For me a new bright star should have gotten that job. Hey and who knew we had a country on this earth by the name of Tuvalu.

I don't consider myself to be a Royalist or particularly patriotic, (I do know I'm not Macca's biggest fan) I'm not even that in to sport but the events of 2012 thus far have been just a bit spectacular and a great sense of pride. We really can put on a show.

Let the games begin.


Sha X

The Holiday

As we are coming to the end of week one of the holidays I haven't come up with much in the way of activities for the girls.

We have mad dashed about a bit, hospital for me on Tuesday to see ENT specialist he has decided to send me to see a dermatologist to get to the bottom of my persistent ear infections. The girls and I sat on bit of green to have lunch on the way out of York. Back home I seemed to have the pleasure of everyone's kids in my back garden, and I felt a little sorry for the neighbours adjoining my garden. Remember I mentioned them in an earlier post, I was worried as the grass hadn't been cut. Well last week it was and the wife was back in residence, as I said they have no kids the husband was barbecuing in earnest last Friday and on this hot summers day the wife was sunbathing with her earphones in. I couldn't blame her she is surrounded wall to wall with kids backing on to her garden. Thing is we have one of those fences we can see into their garden as they can ours and as we don't speak for what ever reason, it's awkward.

A trip to Wilko's was now on the cards, paddling pool, fence screen, something I am sure neighbours are more chuffed than I am about. When hubby got home I asked him to get his hilty gun out, no not a euphemism you know my thoughts on 50 shades. He laughed as apparently this particular tool would have took the fence down, he sorted the putting up of the fence screen and I am chuffed to bits with it. It may not drown out the sound for the neighbours but at least I can't see the disdain in their faces.

Wednesday collected my brother to help remove bedroom furniture that was delivered to mum's on Saturday as it was inadequate crap for purpose. In the car park of Sainsbury's T spotted her mummy, she had come out of prison that day. My daughter's words tumbling out as to what she was going to be doing, my thoughts are, come back to me when you have walked the walk not talked the talk. Paddling pool was bust by the dog and I was more than a little pissed off.

I was booked in for eyebrow tint and wax today, hello surprised look again. Lunch at coffee shop where the girls love the hot chocolate with marshmallows on top, uniform shop for T's new blazer, I am normally doing this on September the first, so thought I would be a little more organised for a change. Then on to Homebase, here I decided to embark on a project for the girls. We rummaged around every plant that was selling for next to nothing, we were going to transform the garden that has been unkempt and uncared for since we got the dog that has destroyed everything. We have worked really hard this afternoon and we are so pleased with the results. I have twinkly lights, strawberry's, peppers, tomatoes, herbs, a broom, a rose lots of shrubs a hanging basket and bedding plants, all for 20 quid!

Next week we go to the seaside.


Sha X

Admiration & Awe

Today is a special day for two mum's of the most special children, days that although their hearts must be breaking make my heart fill with pride seeing the courage, strength and sheer force of their love driving them on to get through another day without their beloved son's.

Today is Jack Marshalls 7th birthday, the first birthday his family are celebrating, yes celebrating, with out him, letting off balloons, some red ones of course. To see those wonderful eyes and beautiful smile you couldn't not be Jacked  and consequently there is a whole bunch of people that were and have become part of #JacksArmy, people who want help to continue to raise awareness for Jacks Fund.

In London today Harry Moseley's mum carried the Olympic Torch in memory of Harry, continuing his work for HHHO. For both mums today must be so difficult. The dignity shown by the parents and siblings of both these boys is as inspiring as they both were in their short lives. These families seem in some way Herculean to me the lengths they go to to continue striving so others families should never have to experience the pain they have. And yet they are not, they are so very human, warm, caring, devoted, loving and funny with a dynamism that shines.

Seeing today how these boys families have marked each occasion has me in awe, my admiration immense.

Both boys were as I said very special they could not have been anything but as so are their families.


"In order to create there must be a dynamic force, and what force is more potent than love?" Ivor Stravins


Sha X

It's Official

One day to go before at last, it's the end of term. Don't get me wrong I will be cussing soon in to the holidays the kids driving me mad. The plan is to arrange to do something with the girls at least one day in the week, seaside trip, picnic weather permitting, some sort of organised days out. The thing is trying to find stuff to do that isn't going to cost a fortune. When I was a kid the summer break meant playing out all day, yes the sun shone the whole six weeks, playing down the beck which would horrify me if the girls played anywhere like that, making daisy chains, rose petal water and putting on shows in the garage. All mum had to do was shout us in for food.

Yesterday it was really lovely to meet up with my boss for a farewell lunch, a colleague had chosen a little village pub which was nice, it just felt like we were in a dining room of a residential care home or a scene from Cocoon. Having ordered our food I got why, no "trick" ham in my sandwich it was proper food at very reasonable prices. Last weeks postponed Infants sports day was today, A got a 1st 2nd and a 3rd, who knew! she doesn't like walking never mind running. All the kids, parents and teachers seem a little glassy eyed and either a little wired or zombie like. The schedule at school this last two weeks has been relentless and exhausting. We have Yr 6 leavers mass tonight at church. Stay & Play in the morning, a graduation ceremony for reception kids, we made the hats at stay & play a couple of weeks ago. It has obviously been noted that I love to do all the creative stuff as in A's report the section about her creativity was "A likes to be creative but not as much as Nana". We then have picnic mass Father B's last one, a picnic, which I need to buy food for. I have bought cards and presents for the teachers, then we are done!

I am so looking forward to not having to be up and out on Monday morning, no uniforms to organise, the prospect of a few pj days is heaven to me. I for one am just about done. Lets hope the sun deems to do what is supposed to do and show it's face now and then, it is after all as from tomorrow officially the summer holidays.


Sha X

Farewell, Adieu To You & You & You

Yesterday begins the start of what seems to be "leavers" week on many different counts. A's class went on a school trip to a zoo then on to the coast. The inclement weather meant having to cater for all eventualities, wellies, sun cream, raincoat, sun hat the poor kids in Reception looked like Japanese Sherpa's with their backpacks. Oh and not forgetting A's Hello Kitty underella as she calls it.

Today T had her cycling proficiency test, she forgot her helmet, quelle suprise! She must have sorted something as I didn't get a call from school, which was just as well as the whole town has been closed off due to someone finding what was suspected to be an unexploded bomb. The bomb squad from Catterick Garrison were drafted in, it turned out to be a car part from a Citroen. Collecting the girls from school the teacher had put up some pictures from the day trip, they all looked wet through but very happy.

On Thursday at church it is Year 6 leavers mass. Sad news to hear that our priest or Father B as he is affectionately known is leaving us, moving on to a different parish. He's been a real community priest, a huge part of the school and officiated in many of our family celebrations, christenings, communion and a wedding. He praised T at how well she did with being the only alter server to turn up at one mass, she coped with aplomb. He would also give her a look over the rim of his glasses when she would wave excitedly from the alter at me. He visited mum whilst she was very ill in hospital telling her how he saw me in church. He was like the priests I remember from my childhood, they knew the family. To me he had the perfect balance of warmth, a sense of humour coupled with a well earned respect of his authority within the church/school community. The last mass he will do for the school aptly is the last day of school, I will be sad to see him go.

Collecting the girls from school A armed with another party invitation T had made an invitation for who she wanted to invite to her leavers mass, it was to Mummy, I showed it to one of other mums saying what can I do. The mum asked if I had seen the daily paper last week, I hadn't. In it was news that my daughter had been sent to prison, the mum thought I would have been told already, the prison authorities don't bother to inform the mum of a 32 year old of her whereabouts. I know I wasn't judged by the mum imparting this news  she probably felt very awkward. I had to tell T the truth I would hate her to think her mum either never got the invite or worse had and not turned up.

Tomorrow I am having lunch with the Sales Director he is leaving at the end of this month. Come Friday T will be donned in her white shirt, the thing to do now is that everyone signs this shirt as a memento, there will be sobs, weeping and wailing all round.


Sha X

Love & Loss

Yesterday evening I had my first client to see as a bereavement volunteer. A little apprehension on my part, we are given some details but have no idea what will greet you. The training instills in to you not to have any preconceived ideas or assumptions. It is for me an honour and a privilege to be entrusted with someone's raw emotions when feeling at their most vulnerable. A little mantra in my head is I can't take away the pain, I hope however that by listening, in some way it helps the person through the inevitable unenviable process of grief. With great love comes great loss.

When my Dad died the doctor directed me to a bereavement counsellor, I wasn't coping well with his death at all, half way through I clearly remember sitting there wondering what am I doing here, it isn't helping me, this person hardly ever says anything, they are not taking away my pain. It was in hindsight that I realised how much it made a difference to my thoughts, coping and with gentle suggestion, directing me to take positive steps to enable me to do that. My dads death had affected my relationship with my mum, we had drifted apart due to the fact we were both locked in our own grief and pain, somehow not being able to meet in the middle. Through talking to the counsellor I came up with answers and solutions to addressing what to me felt like a double loss. It enabled me to take the steps forward in to re-establishing a relationship with my mum.

There was no great epiphany for me, no bolt of lightening moment where everything was alright, all the emotions and feelings tied neatly in a box. The grief process has many stages, you move unwittingly from stage to stage and at times back again. For me it was like being on the periphery of real life, the world carried on as normal while mine would never be the same again. Everyone is different, everyone's experience of death is different, the length of time it takes to work through the stages of grief is individual and can be a very lonely experience. In some it is never worked through. If I saw the counsellor again I wouldn't know him from Adam, I was in the what felt like a wading through treacle phase, everything had no focus. He did though shift something within me. I may not remember him, I do though remember gradually feeling that shift. Through being a bereavement volunteer my wish is in some small way it helps others to feel that too.

Sha X

Summer Meltdown

Now I am clearly not referring to the weather here, it has been atrocious. The run up to breaking up nearly causes a breaking up. The mothers, teachers and the kids are just about on meltdown. It's a bit like everyone has had too many blue Smarties ( I know they are now supposed to be non toxic).

The last two weeks before the summer break seem to be filled with every activity going, summer fayre, PTFA BBQ, trips out, sports day, leavers assembly, leavers mass, taster day, moving up day. It's like the weeks before Christmas, supposedly with better weather. We have teachers cards and presents to buy, Year 6 being the top dog's they did a concert today, reminiscing about their years in primary. Everyone was in tears. This is the end of an era and the beginning of a new one. They will be the little fish in a big pond come September.

My week has consisted of attending sports days, assemblies and all kinds of things to do with school. I did have time out to meet up with some great ladies on the river Tyne. Newcastle is very much regenerated and looks great, it is quite some time since I was last there, the changes giving a very cosmopolitan air to the whole place. Some of the group I have met on numerous occasions, others once. Four the of the women who were local to Newcastle it was our first meeting. We all laughed that if someone had said a few years ago that you would meet up for lunch with complete strangers that you had met on a thing called Twitter we would have thought it was the words of a lunatic. Most of the families worried we are meeting up with axe murders. The truth of it is we are just a bunch of women who connected on this social network because we have lots in common. One of the ladies has been thrust into the public and media spotlight for reasons out of her control, something thank God most of us have no experience of. She was one of the warmest, loveliest people I met that day. It was testament to the bond and caring from the rest of the group that this lady seemed totally comfortable with on the whole a bunch of strangers. It was a lovely day, one of warmth, caring and laughter.

One more week to go before break up time, and I can't wait to not having to do the school run. Hoping we do manage to have a summer meltdown in the weather department.


Sha X

Faith

Tomorrow brings a day that I am really stressing about, T has a taster day at high school. it doesn't seem so long ago that she started primary school. An August baby so still very much a baby when she started school in September, just four.

She has always been little, hey I'm just short of 5ft, her mum maybe an inch taller, it is in our side of the families genes. I have said in earlier posts how horrendous the start of school was for her. Not only had she just been placed with me but all these routines which were so alien were imposed on her. It was very difficult for her and me too.

Today I was roped in to transport some of year 6 to Doncaster Dome the morning spent ice skating then the afternoon in the pool. The whole of the last few years in school have been dominated by two girls who excel in all things singing and dancing, they always get the lead roles to the point that other kids in the class just don't bother. Today I was proud to say and all the other parents came up to me to say the same, T is absolutely shit hot at ice skating, they were in awe at her abilities as were the teachers, she trounced the twins who are competent but no where near in her league. Oh how she filled me with such pride. She is very good and I'm not one for blowing trumpets. Go T.

In the morning she will go off to get the bus on her own in to town. This strong willed, not so little girl any more and I will be on pins. I have to place my faith in the knowledge she has been given the tools to deal and cope with this new journey.

I have said listening to songs is not always what people think the words are about. Listen to this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ijel4Vcqd9g it has a very different meaning to me.

I know T you struggle at times and wish things were not the way they are. I am and always will be here to guide you, love you and at times pick up the pieces.


Nana X

Floods & Tantrums

I'm having a bit of a strop, well a tantrum actually I may just take to my bed. I want to smother my hubby, not in love and kisses, more like a pillow.

Today was Mufti Day at school AGAIN! I made sure we had outfits planned last night to avoid last minute tantrums from the girls. They had decided on pretty dresses and flip flops. The alarm went of at 6.45 I must have pressed the off button instead of the snooze as the sound of torrential rain woke me at 7.45. Mad rush and outfits were hardly appropriate for the weather. Friday is stay and play, on my return to the car a missed call from my mate. We had planned a night out tonight "up town" much like we used to in our twenties, without the copping off and visit to the nightclub, dancing to "Up On The Roof" a song that no matter where we were in the club prompted lager being set down and a sashay to the dance floor. As wet weather does things to mates hair we decided to rearrange until next week.

I had arranged for my roots doing, they were quite shocking, persistent ear infections have made me miss my last two appointments. I didn't want my hairdresser recoiling at ears that looked like they had done ten rounds with Mike Tyson. Fortunately they are much better at the moment so roots could be tackled. For some reason when I have had my hair done I then seem to fall short in other area's of pampering, care taking and maintenance that I would usually do. So as I was now not going out I was looking forward to having a nice bath when I got back from the hairdressers . My house had been cleaned earlier in the day so bath, wine and chill was the plan. Hell even a bit of smothering could have been on the cards.

Greeting me when I got home was complete chaos, hubby had cut through a water pipe in A's room. Everything under the kitchen sink had been pulled out, towels all over the hall to mop up the water, the entire contents of the airing cupboard spewed on to T's bedroom floor. No water on, obviously, my leisurely bath unlikely I couldn't even make a cup of tea. Banging and cursing coming from upstairs, hubby blaming the builders, we have had four floods in this house not including THE flood. The reason is always the builders have not worked in any logical order. Friends plumber husband to the rescue. They then come down the stairs doing this blokey posturing thing, plumber confirming it wasn't hubby's fault it's the bodge job the builders have done.

When hubby asked if I fancied doing a bit of shopping, well, as there is as much water outside as there is in my house I did what I did, had a tantrum better than any ten and five year old ever could.


Sha X

Taster Day & Tough Love

Mornings have been much better over the last few months, a much more relaxed affair. I do though make sure everything is prepared and ready for both the girls. This morning wasn't one of them as T is getting older she wants shower, faff with curling tongs or straighteners, trouble is she doesn't want to get out of bed any earlier. A's beef this morning was the vest I put out wasn't to her liking or the socks. Arriving at school T had  forgotten something, she usually does. Yesterday I had to run in to school at lunchtime with a helmet for the cycling proficiency test. I really have to toughen up with her now, making her responsible for her stuff in preparation for high school.

Arriving home I needed to prepare my work kit for appointments today, there was a missed call on my mobile from my sales director. Calling him back I was bemoaning how it has been tough getting appointments. He reminded me it was the same this time last year and it was. Asking him how he was I was quite upset when he said he was leaving at the end of the month due to ill health. This guy was the one who took me on, was always there to support and encourage me, helping in anyway he could, on occasions he has been tough with me in the nicest possible way, he has always had faith in my potential even when mine had deserted me. Last year when my mum was very ill I couldn't fault him. We have arranged to meet up for lunch in the next few weeks to say farewell. What happens next in terms of who I will report to is uncertain.

Tonight we had a meeting at T's high school it is the same school my son attended. The aim of the meeting was to answer any questions and allay any fears. My main fear is they have a taster day in school next Tuesday. They will be getting the bus to and from school, a bus from home to town then on to school. It may seem silly but I'm not sure I am ready for this, obviously T wants to do what all her classmates are doing, I want to take her and collect her, but I know I can't, I have to let her go on her journey of independence.

On the way home as it was late, Mc Donalds for tea for the girls. In town I nipped in to the shop for provisions. T shouted Nana! Look who's here! Looking through the shop window I saw my daughter hugging T in the car. Oh fuck my mind had to quickly process how to deal with this. I gave a terse hello concious that I don't want the girls to pick up on my issues with their mother. Being very polite but curt my daughter started to tell me the programmes she was working on to get better she as only she can do back footed me with the a question "Was it as hard for you as it was for me the other day"? The only thing I could say was "Yes it was" she then proceeded to say "I know your doing the "tough love" and believe me it is working". That remains to be seen. T asked me why I was angry with mummy, clearly I hadn't hidden my feelings that well. My answer was "you know when you had set your heart on getting one thing from the shop and they didn't have it? well that's what I was angry about". My daughter exchanged a knowing glance.

Love can be tough.


Sha X

Mystery Shopper

Early in the week in our local paper was an advertisement for a farm shop near to us, my interest was piqued  It was, for a few years a PYO place for raspberries and strawberries, somewhere I take the girls, usually as this is me, late for the best of the strawberries but whatever we manage to forage for we bring back to make something.

This place has now evolved in to one of those farm shops, lovingly hand reared produce, living the cow, pig and chicken equviliant of the life of Riley before gracing your plate. Vegatables that have been grown by three generations of the same family, these people really do "know their onions". Eggs so fresh they are like the one's we had in the olden days, you know, actual yellow yolks. A wide range of speciality breads, home made cakes and the obligatory jars and bottles of things topped with gingham tied with string around the top. Lots of brown paper bags to pick your produce from wicker baskets and bunting strung around the shop. Bunting has definitely made a come back this year. I left the shop with a piece of fillet for hubby's tea, burgers for the girls and I, some speciality bread, cooked roast beef and beefsteak tomatoes for a picky lunch. The rhubarb pie called to me, I ignored it, there is only me in our house who likes it. Hubby had given me a budget for this weeks shop, he likes to feel in control of something's bless him. With premium produce you pay premium prices.

Moving on to Tesco for the proper shopping. Something I see in the supermarkets all the time never ceases to amaze me and makes me also question the perpetrators state of mind.  As I got to one of those stands designated to a particular brand, in this case it was Schwartz herbs and spices , sat on the second shelf from the top was "War Horse" the Dvd, now is it just me but where in someone's head do they see spices and decide they really don't want that Dvd after all. I have seen tights abandoned on a tin of dog food and unforgivably frozen peas with wash powder. The connection to the abandoned goods to where they are abandoned seems to me to be the mind of a mad person, it is just so random. I get things being left in the reduced section, it was something they wanted at a reduced rate, the full price version cavalierly tossed to one side. On the same shopping trip even I put some choc-ices in with the Magnums (they were on offer) I usually put thing back where I got them, they were put in the freezer though, after I had stand on the ledge to reach. Supermarkets do not cater for midgets!

Next time you go in the supermarket see what you spot and where. Oh the steak and burgers were by the way very nice.


Sha X