Do you remember the Yvonne Fair song from way back? I remember going to the record shop in Leeds to buy this song in my teens. The pain and heartache in her voice, singing about loss. At that young age I hadn't much experience of those emotions, the song though obviously touched something in me to buy it.
On the way to Hull on Saturday to complete the last day of my course I started to cry (now I know going to Hull would make a few weep) the Toni Braxton song came on "Unbreak My Heart". Music evokes so many emotions in us all, and whilst most think you are relating to the actual words in a song for me the words can be unrelated it is the emotion and sentiment that strike a chord. My course was incomplete and I was unsure as to what the repercussions of that were. Also on my mind was that my daughter hadn't shown up, with that the realisation that this left me with nowhere else to go with her. On arriving for my course I couldn't hold it together, I had to walk out. One of the trainers followed me taking me to her car for a talk, she reassured me they would be able to defer the deadline for me but also telling me firmly for the sake of me and other family members I had to let go of what was causing me so much disruption to my head, heart and life. Feeling happier I completed the last day. We celebrated with a meal in a local pub, free to gossip, talk ten to the dozen and have a laugh, it was really nice, I enjoyed it.
More socialising on Sunday evening a meal out with girlfriends in York. A friend was up from the South for a few days staying at another friends B&B. She then came to ours for dinner on Monday. Having no children my guess is was just a bit of a culture shock, that and the police hammering on the door at 10pm doing what they call a "welfare check" looking for my daughter. This was instigated by her drugs worker. As my daughter has been clean for nearly five weeks it is a real concern if she uses again she could overdose, the police check all known addresses for her. A fabulous girly meal on Tuesday, great company, great food. For me it was something I do very little of, something I thought I would be doing more of in my 50th year and something I realise I ought to be doing more of. It was good for my soul to kick back, chatter and laugh with funny, feisty, fabulous women. Now THIS should be me.
My commitment and responsibilities to the girls I never shirk. Making the choice to have them both, my hubby and I knew would mean a life very different to the one we envisaged. We however did make that choice. Everyone every day of their lives make choices, mostly they are rather mundane, sometimes they are life changing and massive. My daughters choice this week has left me with only one option. In my final sentence allow me a little license.
"It Should Have Been Us"
Sha X
On the way to Hull on Saturday to complete the last day of my course I started to cry (now I know going to Hull would make a few weep) the Toni Braxton song came on "Unbreak My Heart". Music evokes so many emotions in us all, and whilst most think you are relating to the actual words in a song for me the words can be unrelated it is the emotion and sentiment that strike a chord. My course was incomplete and I was unsure as to what the repercussions of that were. Also on my mind was that my daughter hadn't shown up, with that the realisation that this left me with nowhere else to go with her. On arriving for my course I couldn't hold it together, I had to walk out. One of the trainers followed me taking me to her car for a talk, she reassured me they would be able to defer the deadline for me but also telling me firmly for the sake of me and other family members I had to let go of what was causing me so much disruption to my head, heart and life. Feeling happier I completed the last day. We celebrated with a meal in a local pub, free to gossip, talk ten to the dozen and have a laugh, it was really nice, I enjoyed it.
More socialising on Sunday evening a meal out with girlfriends in York. A friend was up from the South for a few days staying at another friends B&B. She then came to ours for dinner on Monday. Having no children my guess is was just a bit of a culture shock, that and the police hammering on the door at 10pm doing what they call a "welfare check" looking for my daughter. This was instigated by her drugs worker. As my daughter has been clean for nearly five weeks it is a real concern if she uses again she could overdose, the police check all known addresses for her. A fabulous girly meal on Tuesday, great company, great food. For me it was something I do very little of, something I thought I would be doing more of in my 50th year and something I realise I ought to be doing more of. It was good for my soul to kick back, chatter and laugh with funny, feisty, fabulous women. Now THIS should be me.
My commitment and responsibilities to the girls I never shirk. Making the choice to have them both, my hubby and I knew would mean a life very different to the one we envisaged. We however did make that choice. Everyone every day of their lives make choices, mostly they are rather mundane, sometimes they are life changing and massive. My daughters choice this week has left me with only one option. In my final sentence allow me a little license.
"It Should Have Been Us"
Sha X
2 comments:
Where do you go from here? Will you still go on holiday? How are you?
I detect a sadness in your writing, more so than before.
I'm sure you've got lots of support, but if you need to vent without upsetting anyone, you have my number.
All the best,
Lesley x.
aww Sha :( xxx glad you've had some time with friends to enjoy yourself a bit amongst the crap xxx
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