At this time yesterday I thought I was going to be writing a very different post about a new journey our family will be embarking on. For one of the family, that will be a physical and an emotional one, a scary prospect but also potentially, an exciting opportunity. From my point of view this has been a very long tough path, one that you wouldn't wish on anyone.
The last six months my daughter, her drugs worker and I have been working towards getting her in to detox then on to rehabilitation for four months. There has been a lot of effort and hard work put in to facilitate this. Over this time there has been many obstacles thrown in the path and for me it has been quite exhausting as I see this as my daughters very last chance to get clean and work on her demons once and for all. My last chance to have a relationship with her like I see other mothers and daughters have and mostly for the girls to have a mother who they may not live with but is a good positive and consistent part of their life. We have many times been on the I want to get clean road, never before has the opportunity of a full rehabilitation programme been deemed worth doing with her so consequently not an option. My view is getting off the drugs is not the hardest part its being given the tools, strength of mind and coping mechanisms to stay off them. This is a huge mountain to climb, so without any of this kind of work being done, in my mind it would never happen, because of this I have invested a lot in to getting her there.
The date was given to us four weeks ago, it would be Tuesday the 20th of March. I expected a few wobbles along the way. Last weekend was a lost one as my daughter for many reasons decided to, I guess, have one last fling with her long term habit. She did come back and discussed it with her drugs worker, she was back and honest, I had to look at that as a positive. We devised a plan for the rest of the week. On Wednesday morning I dropped her off in town for her probation appointment, both cheerily saying love you and I will see you tonight. She didn't come back, not that night, nor the next or the one after that. I felt ill, physically ill, I went in to total meltdown. I am glad to say I had someones ear to bend, to weep and wail to. I had to get a grip and accept this was her choice, there was nothing more I could do, we had lost her. Wrestling with these thoughts over the weekend, for my own well being, my decision was to finally let go. I had nothing more to give.
Yesterday a missed call at 5pm on my mobile. It was my daughters drug worker, my daughter was with her and wanted to go to rehab. There was really no point in doing anything other than sorting out what was needed to be done in order to get her there.
Today we arrived at the place where she will start her journey. All I can hope is at the end of hers, a new path will be walked by us all.
Sha X
The last six months my daughter, her drugs worker and I have been working towards getting her in to detox then on to rehabilitation for four months. There has been a lot of effort and hard work put in to facilitate this. Over this time there has been many obstacles thrown in the path and for me it has been quite exhausting as I see this as my daughters very last chance to get clean and work on her demons once and for all. My last chance to have a relationship with her like I see other mothers and daughters have and mostly for the girls to have a mother who they may not live with but is a good positive and consistent part of their life. We have many times been on the I want to get clean road, never before has the opportunity of a full rehabilitation programme been deemed worth doing with her so consequently not an option. My view is getting off the drugs is not the hardest part its being given the tools, strength of mind and coping mechanisms to stay off them. This is a huge mountain to climb, so without any of this kind of work being done, in my mind it would never happen, because of this I have invested a lot in to getting her there.
The date was given to us four weeks ago, it would be Tuesday the 20th of March. I expected a few wobbles along the way. Last weekend was a lost one as my daughter for many reasons decided to, I guess, have one last fling with her long term habit. She did come back and discussed it with her drugs worker, she was back and honest, I had to look at that as a positive. We devised a plan for the rest of the week. On Wednesday morning I dropped her off in town for her probation appointment, both cheerily saying love you and I will see you tonight. She didn't come back, not that night, nor the next or the one after that. I felt ill, physically ill, I went in to total meltdown. I am glad to say I had someones ear to bend, to weep and wail to. I had to get a grip and accept this was her choice, there was nothing more I could do, we had lost her. Wrestling with these thoughts over the weekend, for my own well being, my decision was to finally let go. I had nothing more to give.
Yesterday a missed call at 5pm on my mobile. It was my daughters drug worker, my daughter was with her and wanted to go to rehab. There was really no point in doing anything other than sorting out what was needed to be done in order to get her there.
Today we arrived at the place where she will start her journey. All I can hope is at the end of hers, a new path will be walked by us all.
Sha X
1 comment:
I am so pleased that you have blogged about the past few days in your life.
Since we spoke I realise how deeply moving your story is.
Wishing you all the very best,
Lesley x.
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