I always thought by the time I got to 50 you would sort of have it all figured out, not in a you know it all way, you go on learning your whole life is my view. That is what life is about learning new things and learning from past mistakes. The main thing I have acquired in getting older is a fit in or fuck off attitude, in the nicest possible way of course.
Watching John Bishop doing the challenge for Sport Relief last week made me think how the mind and body can suffer such endurance for an end result, you just keep on keeping on and whilst most of our endurances are not televised and revered by others, the comparison I made was we do what we do at times in the face of adversity for an end result and when the end result is achieved we just fall off the perch mentally and physically done. That is the time when the mind and body need time to recuperate, the time when everyone thinks its all been put to bed and you should be on a high, euphoric, job done, and you feel the total opposite. The high alert state is replaced with a time of processing and there can be a backlash of anger directed at people that really are not the cause of all these pent up feelings. This is my view of the aftermath of the fall out of stressful situations.
The fall out for me has left me wondering who the hell I am. I feel I have lost me along the way. Oh I have lots of titles: But I'm Not
Mother: I am a mother to two adults, one reverts to being a needy 13 year old although she is 31 so this is not the conventional relationship it should be, the other makes me so very proud but there is guilt of not being as supportive as I could be.
Wife: My husband of 25 years doesn't get anything from me, we are like ships that pass in the night, we have no our time and although I know its wrong he gets the brunt of any anger or resentment in me. There is not a lot of light or laughter at the moment.
Nana: That is my title but the reality is I am their primary care giver. This role really wears me out and also equally gives me such joy.
Daughter: This role has fallen in to a role reversal of carer to my mum, sorting out her stuff until it comes to the point of her having very little control of her life at all.
Sister: Try to mediate between us all, not always successful.
Friend: Have been very crap in this department on the whole.
Having spent the last four months or so in leggings and Ugg boots with a coat that covers all, the last few days of nice weather has even questioned who I have become in what I wear. I used to be a suited and booted person.
I am what I am, but I'm not. Am I looking for the old me or should I be looking for a new me.
Sha X
Watching John Bishop doing the challenge for Sport Relief last week made me think how the mind and body can suffer such endurance for an end result, you just keep on keeping on and whilst most of our endurances are not televised and revered by others, the comparison I made was we do what we do at times in the face of adversity for an end result and when the end result is achieved we just fall off the perch mentally and physically done. That is the time when the mind and body need time to recuperate, the time when everyone thinks its all been put to bed and you should be on a high, euphoric, job done, and you feel the total opposite. The high alert state is replaced with a time of processing and there can be a backlash of anger directed at people that really are not the cause of all these pent up feelings. This is my view of the aftermath of the fall out of stressful situations.
The fall out for me has left me wondering who the hell I am. I feel I have lost me along the way. Oh I have lots of titles: But I'm Not
Mother: I am a mother to two adults, one reverts to being a needy 13 year old although she is 31 so this is not the conventional relationship it should be, the other makes me so very proud but there is guilt of not being as supportive as I could be.
Wife: My husband of 25 years doesn't get anything from me, we are like ships that pass in the night, we have no our time and although I know its wrong he gets the brunt of any anger or resentment in me. There is not a lot of light or laughter at the moment.
Nana: That is my title but the reality is I am their primary care giver. This role really wears me out and also equally gives me such joy.
Daughter: This role has fallen in to a role reversal of carer to my mum, sorting out her stuff until it comes to the point of her having very little control of her life at all.
Sister: Try to mediate between us all, not always successful.
Friend: Have been very crap in this department on the whole.
Having spent the last four months or so in leggings and Ugg boots with a coat that covers all, the last few days of nice weather has even questioned who I have become in what I wear. I used to be a suited and booted person.
I am what I am, but I'm not. Am I looking for the old me or should I be looking for a new me.
Sha X
6 comments:
Sha, your life sounds busy and overwhelming. Role reversal goes against how we think our life will pan out, doesn't it? Your grand children are gorgeous wee things and you are doing a great job.
Hi Ali, thank you for your comment. It is rather busy & some days I am more on my game than others. I have a saying "We make plans & God laughs" :) Reading between the lines I am guessing you can relate? Sha X
Oh yes, indeed - I have played the 'Why me?' game and decided early on to change it to ' Why not me?'. It helped!
Ali I often have a "word" with myself which usually works. So pleased I know who you are now. I love reading your blog I can't believe what you cram in to a week! You are just fab xx
That's kind of you to say so. It seems to me you cram a lot into your life too, and very unselfishly as well. I take my hat off to you, Sha
Ditto X Ali X
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